Guide for the lazy zionist
It’s a hard life being a British zionist. You spend much of your life rapt with guilt at continuing to live in exile and not making aliya to the promised land. But you really like your detached house in Hendon, 4x4, elite private schools for your children, occasional united synagogue attendance and the appalling NW London sense of humour. You really like them. And you know its an old reform heresy, but you’re inclined to think that Hampstead Garden Suburb is in fact Jerusalem . Don’t worry. No-one’s seriously expecting you to up sticks and go and live amongst the gun-toting haredim, fortune seeking Russians and Asian slave labourers that reside in eretz yisrael. No, the really important thing, the essence of Zionist identity, is to buy Israeli cumcumbers. As the Hassidic masters would say, start with just one mitzvah.
The third pillar of British Zionist identity is a classic: the letter of complaint. The key issue here is quantity rather than quality; fourteen a week is the recommended minimum. The slothful israel defender may wish to restrict themselves to writing to bastions of Bolshevism such as the Guardian and the Independent, but you will wish to go further, paraphrasing Ecclesiates ‘of the writing of hasbara letters there is no end’.
ReplyDeletehilarious. been a long while since i read jewdas..